I told y’all it was coming! Blind and Free is my favorite book in The Red Lair series, and I HAD to write this scene between Joseph and Jakita. They are dealing with some pretty serious stuff here, and it broke my heart having to write this. Well, here it goes:
We were sitting in Jakita’s living room. The house was dark and quiet, and I kept my eyes down as I waited for her to speak. Our return from The Red Lair had only been a few minutes prior.
“Joseph,” she started, and my heart hammered in my chest. She used my real name, which meant something was coming. “While I appreciate you telling me about Tyberius tonight, I have to punish you. Refusing to play was disrespectful to me, and as your Mistress, I have a reputation to uphold. I want you kneeling and waiting in the playroom in five minutes. Don’t make me…”
“No!” I snapped, throwing my hands up. “Mistress, please. I have been through enough, okay? You have treated me like shit for a month now, and I’m sick of it. I can’t take this!”
“Excuse me? The more you open your mouth, the more I want to beat you into submission!” I looked into her eyes, and saw the dark pupils. Her arms were folded across her chest, and she was looking straight ahead.
“This is not right!” I jumped up, walking towards the front door. “As my Mistress, you are supposed to help me grow. When I disobey, you are supposed to punish me, and I am to accept it and learn from it. I have not felt like your sub, Jakita. You are taking your anger about your newfound blindness out on me, and it’s not safe or healthy for our dynamic.”
Tears flowed down my cheeks, and I turned, my hand on the doorknob. Looking back, I saw her entire body tense. What was about to happen?
“Sub, I’m not going to tell you again. Upstairs, now!”
“I will not allow you to hurt me anymore,” I said, opening the front door. “I have respected you, taken orders, been at your side through everything, but I’ve also taken your abuse for too long. You know my background, Mistress. This isn’t healthy for me.”
Silence surrounded the open living room. I could feel the tension between us, but no one spoke. Pulling open the front door, I waited for her to react.
“I’ll miss you, but I knew that this was coming.” I spoke quietly. “You need to heal properly, and I can’t be your punching bag while you do. I’m sorry, Mistress. I love you, but this is no longer safe for me.”
Tears blinded me as I stepped outside. Sliding in the slick ice and snow, my feet carried me to my car, pushing me forward. Once inside, I collapsed onto the seat, my chest constricting with pain. She hadn’t called after me, but her power was no longer hers. The blindness controlled her, and as I started the car, I realized that our dynamic was nothing more than abuse. She tried to step back into the role of Mistress, but she was consumed with fear, anger, and sadness for her new situation. She had lost sight of what it was like to be in control of a person’s well-being and desires, and I leaned my head on my arm as thoughts of the abuse filled my head.
He had walked away from me after I gave him a command! I leaned back against the couch, letting out a breath. His words hadn’t sunk in yet, probably because I was still angry with his disobedience. How could he walk out like that?
I couldn’t even apologize for what had happened over this past month. All I knew was that I couldn’t return to The Red Lair, not anytime soon. I had beaten Joseph twice in my place of business, and my friends were starting to worry. Safe words had gone out the window since our first public scene, and while caning him, all I could feel was Robert’s hands around my neck, Joseph’s hand as he brushed my hair away from my face, and the white cane that kept eyes on me. I could no longer look into the eyes of my submissives as they begged, pleaded, and cried. I could no longer see their skin turning red, tears falling freely from their eyes, or their lips tremble. Who said that I could continue to live the life of a Mistress? They say that dominance is not about what you wear or how you act, but about who you are on the inside. I was a mess, both inside and out, and I hadn’t seen any of my other submissives. My blindness and my dynamic with Joseph hadn’t left me with much time to play, but I was sure that I wouldn’t be playing anytime soon. Pain is all I knew, and Joseph was right. I was a danger to myself and others, and as that realization set in, I closed my blind eyes, allowing the pain to consume me.